Greetings. During this holiday season I will not be visiting my hometown. I decided to relax and stay put here in Atlanta. Typically, when I decide to take a trip home there is so much excitement, energy, and joy in the air at my home. My children and I are filled with anticipation because we enjoy being with family and we enjoy, believe it or not, the 15 hour drive that it takes to get there. Mind you, we rarely make the trip in a straight shot. We usually hang out in either Tennessee or Indiana on our way to and from Wisconsin.
I am from a large family of brother and sisters. In fact, I don’t think there still exists a pattern for such large families anymore, except for the Duggars (19 Kids and Counting). Thank God we’re way less than that!
It is interesting when the whole family get together for holidays (brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews). For my family, there is usually the playing of board games and cards. Of course, there is light drinking of beer and wine. Well, depending on how things are going for any particular person… the light drinking is not so light! Next, the family stories and tall tales start and there is laughter and more laughter, however, if you are the non-drinker like myself, it is easy to observe that someone is not laughing so hard or sincerely at a particular joke or story.
As the evening progresses there is still plenty of food, drink, and conversation. In fact, the volume and tone of the conversation picks up. Everyone is having a good time… or so it appears. Inevitably, one person gets hung up on a word, a phrase or a story being told. That sets in motion one of 110+ possible family programs that are lying dormant within the family tapestry. And guess what, it is usually the same person(s) every time.
A Family Program, as I am defining it here, is a remembrance of a hurtful or painful incident, mistreatment, abuse, etc. as defined from the perspective of the victimized person. Usually, they have dozens of examples of the held beliefs (real or imagined), which may have impacted or tainted their life view in some way. In other words, they have stories to tell… and they tell them often, especially, if given the right amount of alcohol, upset,
or anxiety.
Well, the script is pretty much the same for my family every time. The person who got hung up on to the word, phrase, or story that was told three hours earlier is by now about ready to set the record straight! What that means is the forthcoming of wailing and the Gnashing of teeth!
That may manifest in someone being, “TOLD OFF”, cards or game pieces being strewn off the table along with a few choice words from the upset person; shocking looks on the faces of other family members, especially on the face of the one who made the offensive statements, and from the children who probably didn’t realize adults could act so childish; silence from our parents; and a big letdown that the fun has come to an abrupt end, especially since you were about to win the game!
As the offended person and their spouse storms out there is a declaration that they will never return. There is a long moment of silence. The long moment of silence is replaced by claims like, “I had no idea he/she was offended by that statement. I don’t know why, it was the truth.”
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Deactivate your family programs by sending love, light, and forgiveness to everyone before you arrive . Try the Ho’oponopono Prayer and notice the difference in your family’s holiday gathering.
A Simple Forgiveness Practice: Ho’oponopono Prayer
[Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.]
Make a list of all of the people who you feel you have hurt or who may have hurt you. One-by-one, go through the forgiveness practice with them as though they were before you looking eye-to-eye. You may also do this prayer for situations and circumstances. Start with yourself first on your list.
Ask for forgiveness:
I am sorry. Please forgive me.
I love you. Thank you.
Give forgiveness (Adella’s addition):
I forgive you. It is or was all in Divine order.
Thank you for the lesson. I love you.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!