A Powerful Lesson from a 16 Year Old

When my daughter Ra’anaa had just finished 10^th grade at age 16 (she has a late November birthdate) she came to me and said she’d had a very rough school year.  I asked why.  She told me, “I had to let go of ten friends.”  TEN FRIENDS, I thought!  “Why did you let go of your friends.”  She told me that it was because they were being unproductive and doing bad things.  Wow, I thought, that is kind of drastic and harsh. After all, she had known these friends since middle school, and even since elementary school in a couple of cases.  In addition, Ra’anaa is one of the most caring and helpful people I know.   [I had better not let her know that I’d been taking extra-long lunches with my co-worker and friend on Fridays, I thought.]

I asked her, “don’t you think you are being a little judgmental?”  She replied, “No mom. I gave them a chance.  I had a talk with each one."  For example, Shauna (not her real name), who came from the same middle school used to be a straight “A” student.  She is a very pretty and very smart girl. She started getting very bad grades and hanging out with the students who smoke weed. 

She reminded Shauna of how smart she is and told Shauna that she should pull herself together and find a better group of friends.  Shauna said she would, but in no time she went right back to the same group of people, doing the same old thing.  Also, some of Ra’anaa’s other former friends, she stated, “were just not nice people anymore.” They say or do mean things to others.

“Ra’anaa, what about having compassion, especially with Shauna, she may be going through something?” She said, “Mom, I’m a student.  My classes are tough and I have my own issues. Do you want me to work on their problems or my own?”  

WELL, ALRIGHT-TY THEN.   That was the end of that conversation! 

Wow, I wish I had that level of insight and wisdom when I was 16 …or 26 …or 36.

My take away: 
Sometimes you must stay focused on your own mission and be willing to allow others to go through their own learning process.  Oft times we, especially women, learn how to fix ourselves (or NOT), by distracting and preoccupying ourselves with the problems of others.

Let’s make 2016 a BIG year of self-awareness, self-analysis, self-correction, and self-elevation.  Start by shedding a few distracting, unproductive, unprogressive, or unkind “friends”. 
You know who they are.